The Story Behind Our Song “Courage”
This week, to support National Eating Disorders Awareness Week, we are giving away a free download of our song “Courage.”
Click here to download the song, no strings attached.
This song is an extremely personal song for me. I want to share with you the story behind the song, which is about my own struggle with an eating disorder. I hope that it reaches someone out there who has been or is where I’ve been, that it will encourage those of you who may be struggling with a similar problem. You’re not alone… and there is hope.
Where do you start when you’re about to be vulnerable with people you have and may never meet? I guess at the beginning…
I think I was 12 when I first started feeling the affects of “pretty pressure,” as I like to call it. My best friend was 2 years older than me and she was tall and athletic and pretty and boys liked her and and and… And that was the first time I remember realizing I was short and kinda chubby and that my daddy thinking I was pretty just wasn’t enough anymore.
And that’s pretty much the story from ages 12-15. Those awkward, hard years of realizing boys exist (even though I kinda always liked boys:)) and going through lots of changes and feeling pressure from so many things: friends, magazines (Bop, Teen Beat), TV, shopping malls with ads of people that were perfect on the walls… There were so many things all around that all added up to me being short and kinda chubby.
There was a defining moment though where it went from just feeling not good enough to doing something about it:
There was a boy… and I liked this boy a lot. He was cute and tall and had curly hair and a great smile that would make me forget what I was thinking or doing if he looked my way. I wanted this boy to like me. I would think of things to say if I ever got the chance to talk to him. I planned my outfits every morning with him in mind.
One day I saw him walking towards me and I thought, “Oh this is it. Here he comes and we are gonna talk and it is gonna be magical!” He came up to me and we chit-chatted for a little bit… And then he looked at me as if he was gonna say something important, you know with the head tilted to one side, blue eyes sparkling, so tall I would have had to stand on my tip toes if he ever kissed me. I had every bit of me alert to the beautiful words I anticipated coming out of his mouth.
“Melissa,” he said.
“Yes?” I replied, with many excited head nods.
“You know, you kind of have chubby ankles,” he said, ever so casually.
And that’s the moment that all the years of feeling a little bit ugly and chubby came to their final pinnacle and then crashed down on me and buried me. That’s the moment I knew I would do anything to never feel that again. That’s the moment I decided to do whatever it takes to not be that girl anymore. That’s the moment I became an anorexic.
I didn’t completely stop eating right away because that would be too obvious. I started with little things, like excuses that I didn’t feel well, so that meal got skipped. Then there was the ‘oh I ate already’ – another meal skipped. The ‘I’m gonna eat as soon as I get home’ – meal skipped. And the ‘when I eat in the morning it makes my stomach upset’ – no meal. ‘I’m going out with friends and we are gonna eat at the mall’ – zero meal.
It became lots of little lies every day until I got so good at it that eventually I had enough lies that I could skip whole days of eating… which became weeks… and then became months. The part that really fueled the fire was that I was losing weight and people were telling me that I looked good. So I thought “why in the world stop?” I was finally getting skinny like I always wanted to be and people seemed to like it. It was a sealed deal as far as I was concerned.
After awhile I actually had said that I didn’t feel well so many times that the thought of food actually did make me feel sick. It was awesome…for awhile. Until people stopped telling me that I looked good and started looking at me funny. Until my grandpa one day said to me that it looked like someone had deflated my chest. Until I started feeling ugly again and the same feelings of just not being happy with myself slowly crept back in.
After about 3 months of pretty much not eating, I started looking for something to make me feel happy and pretty again. It just so happened that my best friend had been away at a clinic for eating disorders and when she got home she started telling me things that she learned there. The most important thing she ever told me one day still rings in my head whenever I feel not quite good enough: God created you uniquely and specifically for a reason and a purpose and He thinks you are a beautiful creation.
Now I’m not here to tell you that the moment she said those words to me I believed them and was miraculously transformed. But those words did start something inside of me. Kind of like a little (very little) seed of truth and hope were planted and the more I started to want my life to change and the more I talked to my friend about it, the more it would grow.
I honestly don’t remember exactly how long it took but I do remember the moment I believed it for the first time. I was standing in the bathroom looking in the mirror. At first I was just looking at myself, doing the usual dissecting and scrutinizing every inch and criticizing myself…. and then those words about God knitting me in my mother’s womb came to me as if someone was audibly saying it out loud to me at that moment.
I tried to ignore it, but then again I heard, “I made you exactly the way I wanted you to be – a beautiful creation. You are beautiful!”
God was telling me something in that moment that I will never forget, and when I looked up into the mirror this time it was not with my eyes – I saw myself for the first time the way God looks down on me. The same way He looked down on me the day that I was born and said, “What a beautiful creation!”
And it’s not just about a worldly beauty that changes and fades, but a Godly kind of beauty. The kind of beauty that we see when we look at the mountains and the ocean, the sky, flowers, birds, rainbows and all the other things that God created and that we stop and say, “Wow, that is so beautiful.” The God that created those things created me. I am beautiful… a beauty that cannot be taken away from me because it was created in me before I was even one day old.
I broke that day. I cried and cried and cried, but not because I felt ugly or unaccepted. I cried because for the first time, I felt truly and wholeheartedly loved with no strings attached just the way that I am.
I’m not gonna sit here and say that after that it was easy going. It did get better – way better – for a long time. And then about the third year I was in Superchick I somehow forgot about that beauty that I’d found that day so many years before. I started feeling inadequate and like I needed to be a certain shape and size for people to love me. So I stopped eating again. It wasn’t as easy this time though, because I had people in my life that knew the lies I would try to use. I did give into the anorexia again for a bit, but this time it was harder.
I believe that’s because once you know the truth, you can’t hide from it for very long. You can ignore it for awhile and keep yourself busy and try to push it away, but when everything stops – and there will always be a moment when it does and you are all alone confronted with what you are doing to yourself – the truth will start to whisper in your ear.
And for me God whispered once again, “You are my beautiful creation, Melissa.” I couldn’t ignore it. So I clung to it like water and air. I made it my mantra every morning when I would wake up. I would look in the mirror and say, “What am I gonna believe today? Lies or the truth? Am I going to be courageous? Am I going to choose real beauty or fake?”
And that’s what I have done every day since then.
It’s not always about a one time choice. Sometimes that’s too big or too hard to handle or grasp or deal with. So we make it one day at a time. And some days (I’m gonna be completely honest here), I choose the lie. But the beauty of life is that the next day, or even the next minute sometimes, I can choose the truth.
My name is Melissa. I have struggled with anorexia since I was 15 years old. Today I beat it and choose the truth. I am beautiful. I am loved. I am me.
Download “Courage” this week for free by clicking here. Please feel free to share this link with friends who may also need to hear the song this week during National Eating Disorders Awareness Week.
There are so many people out there who are struggling with self-image issues and eating disorders. Sometimes, all it can take to help someone is an unexpected compliment to remind them that they are beautiful! Join the OperationBeautiful.com movement and help change someone’s perception of themselves today… because we all need a reminder sometimes that we are each uniquely and wonderfully so beautiful!
This story is beautiful, Melissa. Thank you for sharing it.
Comment by Elena — 2/22/2010 @ 3:18 pm
Melissa, thank you SO much for sharing your story and allowing God to use you in this way. You are one amazing, brave, beautiful chick! I first heard about you guys years ago in college and Superchick has been a huge encouragement and support in my life ever since. I appreciate you more than you will ever know. Thanks for being so awesome!
Comment by Bekah — 2/22/2010 @ 3:37 pm
Thank you Melissa. That was very Courageous for you to tell your story. In a way I have the opposite life. I am the person who say they want the body like. It is discerning to me because I want the people that say that to see that they are beautiful just the way they are. I am short and skinny, but I can’t help my skinniness. My friend asked me at a convention one day. “Is it hard for you to gain weight.” I said yes. “Have you just grown to a certain weight and stayed their and not gained any more weight no matter how much you have tried?” I said yes. She said “you might have what I have, ectomorphism.” When you are an ectomorph you can’t gain wait. You have to do full body work outs and eat more than you think you can to gain weight. I don’t want to do that because I fell that God made me the way I am and I want to stay that way. Sure I can never give blood but I am healthy and eat everyday. I may look super skinny to people but I love food!
Thank you so much for putting yourself out there and being honest. I am sure you will touch lives with this. Keep up the music too, I love your music and I have used it to encourage girls in my life.
Comment by Katrina — 2/22/2010 @ 3:57 pm
Thank you. So much. You don’t know how much sharing this story has made me feel. I skip meals every now and then or cut back a little.
My friends the perfect one. I listen to courage so much. I love it. Thank you.
Comment by Hidden — 2/22/2010 @ 4:19 pm
Thank you for sharing your story Melissa, and for being so honest. You have truly changed a life. Thank you.
Comment by Elissa — 2/22/2010 @ 4:56 pm
This song helped change my life!
Comment by Rachel — 2/22/2010 @ 5:04 pm
Melissa, I can relate to your story. Altough often thik of myself as “chubby” or “ugly”. I have this curve in my spine that was cause by a hereditary desise that I have. That curve makes it hard for me to find clothes that fit right, and it also makes my stomache stick out a bit. It’s hard for me to think of myself as beautiful most of the time when I don’t have a normal shape, and I never hear it from anyone (unless I start talking about how ugly I feel). I have never tried to skip meals to make me look thin, because not eating anything just makes me feel sick, and my mom would definately notice. I have tried eating very little, but that never lasts, because there’s always the one day someone is handing out chocolate cake, and I just want to eat it all, but then I beat myself up for “eating like a fat person”. Thanks for sharing your story, it’s really insirational.
Comment by Marina — 2/22/2010 @ 5:40 pm
Melissa – thank you for sharing your story. I’ve been battling anorexia for awhile now, and its so hard to try to recover. I feel like I’m stuck in a place of limbo where I want to get better, but not at the expense of gaining. Your story is very inspirational to me, I hope I can use it as a work on recovery.
Thank you.
Comment by Lauren — 2/22/2010 @ 6:06 pm
Thanks for sharing, especially through the song. My friend was struggling with an eating disorder 5 years ago and I played her the song. She seemed upset that I showed her at first but it expressed what I couldnt. I have not gone through the same struggles but she was able to relate to your song and I believe it jump started her healing process. Thank you so much for having the bravery to be totally honest.
Much love.(:
Comment by Arietta — 2/22/2010 @ 6:21 pm
Thank you so much for sharing this!! I really needed to hear it! I’ve been dealing with an eating disorder and just started to get help not to long ago. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Your story has given me hope that it can all turn out okay. Thank you! You are an amazing person!
Comment by Elizabeth — 2/22/2010 @ 6:23 pm
Melissa
Thank you. Thank you for the honesty in your writing. For sharing your story with your fans. I have struggled with body-image and, I finally am admitting, anorexia. I have always seen myself as ugly. Even at the age of 27 I see myself that way. Looking at myself not even an hour ago, those exact words came out of my mouth. Your story is an amazing reminder to either live the lies or live the truth. I pray that every day you continue to choose to live the truth, and I will try to do the same. Thank your for sharing.
Comment by Melanie — 2/22/2010 @ 6:40 pm
Melissa,
You inspire me so much. Thank you so much for sharing your story so openly. That can not have be easy, but know that you have at least touched me. I cried as I read your story.
I’ve struggled with Anorexia since I was 8. I’ve spent the last 2 years in and out of hospitals and treatment. I’m finally doing better. I’m fighting harder than I ever have. And it’s not easy at all.
But hearing your story, knowing that someone can fight this monster, and come out the other side. It gives me so much hope. I want to beat this thing so bad. It’s controlled my life for to long.
I take hope in knowing that God sees me as Beautiful, and that I DON’T have to be perfect to be loved by him. That is what I tell myself every morning now. On my mirror I have a note that says “You are made in God’s image, and that makes you beautiful! You are made for a purpose!”
This is turning out longer than I wanted. But I wanted you thank you, and the rest of the band, for the stance you take on this. For spreading awareness. People need to know that there IS hope, and you are helping tell them that. You’re an inspiration to me.
thank you for all that you do. Your music has kept me going on some of the darkest nights. Really I can’t than you guys enough! Keep up the great work! and God bless.
Until the whole world hears,
Bethany
Comment by Bethany — 2/22/2010 @ 7:27 pm
[...] Melissa’s full story behind the song Courage here. You can get the free download of Courage [...]
Pingback by Free Superchick Song For Download | To Start A Fire — 2/22/2010 @ 8:33 pm
[...] biggest step is knowing you aren’t alone.” Read Melissa’s story in its entirety at http://www.superchickonline.com/blog/?p=506. Also–access the free download of “Courage” at [...]
Pingback by Superchick offers free download | HM — 2/23/2010 @ 1:03 pm
Thank you Melissa.
Comment by Alex Perrier — 2/23/2010 @ 1:06 pm
[...] there who has been or is where I have been. The biggest step is knowing you aren’t alone.” Read Melissa’s story in its entirety Tagged as: Beauty From Pain, Courage, Download, National Eating Disorders Awareness Week, [...]
Pingback by Soul-Audio » News » Superchick’s Free Download Raises Awareness — 2/23/2010 @ 1:34 pm
Thank you, you have no idea how much this helps…
Comment by Heather — 2/23/2010 @ 3:24 pm
Thank you so much, Melissa! That song has helped me a lot during the past few years, especially this past year and summer when I was having a really rough time. I don’t have an eating disorder, but I definetly don’t eat normally and I have really bad self-esteem/anxiety issues. Courage (and all of Superchick’s songs) always let me know I’m not alone and give me such a confidence boost!
Thank you again.
Comment by Molly — 2/23/2010 @ 3:36 pm
Thank-you so much for this. I think it just opened a light that has said “I am beautiful”. While I’ve been called skinny and anorexic looking, I still feel overweight. I am the tall athletic skinny chick. but I don’t feel beautiful, but not eating seems to make me feel better about myself, but this makes me realize it doesn’t. God made me this way for a reason.
Comment by Kelly — 2/23/2010 @ 3:48 pm
hi superchick! i love your guy music so many songs have inspired me. of course sometimes i dont feel beautiful but i think of how amazing great our god maed us changes that for me. I just learned that there is a cell in our bodies that holds us together and is in the shape of a cross. You guys probably knew that but just thinking of that makes me realize that god is with us. No Matter what we are goin throught hi is there as long as we put our faith and trust in him! Thank you so much
Comment by sammi — 2/23/2010 @ 4:52 pm
Melissa, I just want to say thanks for creating this song. It expressed what I felt so hard to do for so long. I’ve been battling anorexia for about 3 and a half years now and your song and story is inspirational. I’m in treatment now and I pray that I will be able to continue in recovery. Thank you for being so brave and sharing your story. I know that it has helped me. I will be praying for you.
Comment by Alyssa — 2/23/2010 @ 6:05 pm
Melissa that is amazing I’ve loved “Courage” since I first heard it and I’ve been wondering what happened to make you guys write that I got most of it except I didn’t know all of the story.
Thank You for everything
p.s. I can’t wait to see you guys at Ichthus 2010
Comment by Sam — 2/23/2010 @ 7:16 pm
Thank you so much for this. It really touched me. I have been battling with my feelings over my weight, and sometimes I feel just the way you described. I’m sometimes afraid that I might develop an eating disorder, because I will try not to eat my meals sometimes, but your story and the song really kinda brought me to my senses. Thank you for bringing me back to reality before it was too late.
I will definitely keep you in my prayers, because I understand what it’s like.
Comment by Erika — 2/23/2010 @ 9:02 pm
So encouraged by this. I have never struggled with anorexia, but I have struggled and still struggle daily with the idea of not being beautiful enough, I have had other addictions in my life I have struggled to overcome because of this. I long to feel beautiful not just be told I am beautiful… I long for it to be true in my own heart. Accepting beauty is so difficult in today’s society.
Thank you for sharing your testimony and your struggles. God Bless your ministry.
Maddie
Comment by Maddie — 2/23/2010 @ 10:38 pm
[...] Melissa’s story in its entirety at http://www.superchickonline.com/blog/?p=506. Also–access the free download of “Courage” [...]
Pingback by Rawkzilla » Blog Archive » Superchick — 2/24/2010 @ 8:46 am
Thank You Melissa for sharing your story with all of us! I have been truly blessed I have never truly thought myself ugly. I will every once in a while say to myself you “I am ugly” but as soon as those words come out of my mouth or that thought reaches my mind I tell myself that God loves me for who I am and He knit me together in my mother’s womb he made ME beautiful he took the time to make me who I am. He loves me and made me uniquely, perfect in his eyes. My family has ALWAYS called me beautiful I can never go out of my Grandparents or Aunt’s without them saying how beautiful I am! My friends have started to tell me the same things recently and a lot of times I just think about how annoying it is! But I have to stop and remind myself there are many girls who don’t have the privilige of people telling them how Pretty they are! And my Grandma always says that it’s not just that I’m beautiful it’s I have a beautiful personality and that’s what makes me beautiful! Every day I remind myself that God loves me and that to him I am beautiful no matter my imperfections! Melissa thank you so much for sharing your story! I love the song Courage and can’t wait for your next CD!
Sister in Christ~
Morgan
Comment by Morgan — 2/25/2010 @ 11:33 am
Melissa, thank you so much for sharing your story. “Courage” has always been such a meaningful song to me. I struggled with an eating disorder for a good portion of my life, but I am incredibly grateful to God to be able to say that I have not acted on those urges for over 15 years now! I shared your song link on my blog, along with links to NEDA, Operation Beautiful & your story. I think it’s awesome that you are allowing God to bring “beauty from ashes” in this way!
Comment by Amy — 2/25/2010 @ 9:16 pm
[...] Melissa’s story in its entirety at SuperchickOnline.com. Also–access the free download of “Courage” at [...]
Pingback by Superchick Offers Free Download of ‘Courage’ In Support Of NEDAwareness Week - Inpop Records — 2/26/2010 @ 4:39 pm
Thanks for sharing your story. Almost everyday I look in the mirror and find something wrong with myself. I would like to say thank you for reminding me that God made me perfect.
Comment by Kaitlin — 2/26/2010 @ 5:16 pm
Thank you so much for sharing this story! I have struggled with anorexia as well since I was 16 but knowing that other people are there with you and have over came this is so encouraging! Keep sharing your story! GOD BLESS ALL OF YOU!
Comment by Ellen — 2/27/2010 @ 12:32 pm
Melissa,
thank you so much for sharing your story with all of us! Your song “Courage” has helped me through so much.
I had a pretty nasty battle with bulimia last year, and still struggle with body image. Just hearing the words from my earbuds, telling me that I am not on my own. The song is so uplifting to me.
Thank you for reminding me that I AM fearfully and wonderfully made, and God will bring beauty from this pain… and my Courage is not for nothing. God bless all you guys!
Comment by Sara — 2/27/2010 @ 4:43 pm
Thank you so much for sharing your story! I haven’t struggled with an eating disorder but I did use to struggle with a certain addiction. And I found it very inspirational that you said it’s a daily decision, I’ve never looked at it that way. But now that I look at it that way it seems possible to overcome. One day at a time, one decision at a time, side by side with God. Thank you once again for sharing your story!
Comment by Rachel — 2/27/2010 @ 7:31 pm
OMG, that was beautiful! God bless you Meli, you rock and yes, we are beautiful, we are God’s creation, we are loved! <3
Comment by Mel — 3/3/2010 @ 4:24 pm
I just wanted to tell you that this girl is using your song “courage” in her pro-ana youtube video. She talks about how she is “not alone” and want to find people who share her goals (of starving herself)
http://www.youtube.com/user/lovethinxxstaystrong#p/a/u/1/1sHKlXiM9uY
Comment by Larissa — 3/4/2010 @ 7:53 pm
[...] Did you know she struggled with an eating disorder when she was 15? Melissa knows what it’s like to “… not feel pretty, to feel fat, to feel like no one would ever want to be with you or even be friends with you because you feel so bad about yourself. BUT I also know how it feels to be free from those pressures and feel a love and acceptance that isn’t humanly possible.” Read her story. [...]
Pingback by FREE Superchic[k] download! — 3/11/2010 @ 11:20 am
[...] Did you know she struggled with an eating disorder when she was 15? Melissa knows what it’s like to “… not feel pretty, to feel fat, to feel like no one would ever want to be with you or even be friends with you because you feel so bad about yourself. BUT I also know how it feels to be free from those pressures and feel a love and acceptance that isn’t humanly possible.” Read her story. [...]
Pingback by FREE Superchic[k] download! — 3/11/2010 @ 11:20 am
This song made me cry. I thought I was fat for the longest time. I was tired of being made fun of. I don’t have that many friends. The friends I do have though love me so much. I thought that not eating would help but I still got called ugly. One day my friend ( who is not my friend anymore do to a bunch of stuff ) Force fed me. I went to a christian camp called center fuge and didnt eat at all. This song touched my heart. It relates to me so much. My parents don’t know and I eat in front of them so I have to eat but I eat little some times and moderatley others. If they found out they would probably say I was doing it for attention. My mom wieghed 105 in her senior year. I’m in middle school and wiegh 117. I feel so fat. My friends tell me Im not but I think I am. But, this song really helped. I hope that I can get these thoughts from my head. But anyone who nows what I do yells at me. All of my friends are smaller than me. I feel like a loser. I have 2 friends at school. They are both like super skinny well This song will help me and so will your story thanks so much
Comment by Harmony — 3/18/2010 @ 4:54 pm
Thank you so much for this.
Comment by Jasmine — 3/23/2010 @ 12:35 pm
Your song, Courage, was the background music to a video that came up on YouTube. It was the first time I broke down and cried and admitted what I needed to myself. It’s funny now, but I had never noticed my excuses and lies until I heard your song. It was really my introduction to Christian music (my church is an ethnic church–all our hymns are in Armenian). I especially drew strength from Beauty From Pain, Stand in the Rain, Courage, and We Live.
By God’s grace, I do, finally, consider myself “fully recovered.” But your song gave me the courage to seek God and accept his answer. Thank you.
Comment by Jo — 3/23/2010 @ 8:50 pm
Melissa..
I am doing a slide show for youth group on eating disorders. And I was listening to some older songs on my laptop, and i was like, “oh let’s listen to Superchick” and the song Courage came on. And i was like THIS SONGS SO PERFECT! i love the fact you were honest about your struggles. truth is i’m 15 years old, i’ve been anerexic on and off since i was 11. i get better then one bad comment about my weight even if it’s a joke kills me. so i throw up. my best friend gets upset she says i’m underweight, being 115 and 5 foot 6. but sometimes i look in the mirror and i’m like holy crap i’m FAT!! and i can’t stand that thought. so i’m actually giving a lecture for my youth group on eating disorders. I read a website today that said 8 million people in the USA have and eating disorder, and 90% of them are girls.. that makes me wanna cry. God loves us for us. “there is no image in God’s eyes that we have to fit. it’s all the perfection we seek that tears us down” is the quote my best friend tells me everyday. i really hope some girls or even guys out there hear this song and it gives them the same Courage it’s giving me. Thank you.
Comment by Paige — 3/24/2010 @ 6:30 pm
i guess i’m not just anorexic i’m bulimic to so it’s like a double whammy.. but i’m excited to do my lecture now.. it’s hard to over come.. especially when you think your alone. but i know now i’m not.
Comment by Paige — 3/24/2010 @ 6:36 pm
hi..
I’m from Israel.. I’ve been dealing with anorexia since I was 12.. (I’m 20 now).. I’ve been hospitalized for 2 years.. I heard this song when I was there, one of the girls was a fanatic =]
it’s a beautiful song, since I like to dance (I’ve been dancing since I was 6 years old).. I’ve danced to this song so many times and it’s so liberating..
you’re so brave melissa, for opening up like that, and writing that amazing song!
I salute u.
thank u
Comment by yael — 3/30/2010 @ 7:48 am
i know how it feels to slip..
over and over again.
Comment by bella — 4/3/2010 @ 7:57 pm
I’ve never been anorexic and i know i won’t in the future, since i’m still pretty young i think that helped me a lot before entering into high school and doing things to my body that i shouldn’t do! the first time i heard your song was hero and that was when i was doing a project about bullies and oh my gosh that was whoa i couldn’t believe how many people would get bullied and feel depressed! whoa too much words…sorry i’m young xP
Comment by mia — 5/3/2010 @ 9:12 pm
[...] book about “Courage,” my song on our Beauty From Pain record about my eating disorder (read my story here), and what I want to include in my book are some of those amazing stories many of you have shared [...]
Pingback by Superchick » Share Your Stories About Courage — 5/17/2010 @ 1:46 pm
Thank you! my story is pretty much just like yours. and i can’t explain how much this means…for you to come out and tell the world what you’ve been through. you are encouraging me today. and i pray i can be a godly women like you.
Comment by anna — 5/17/2010 @ 6:03 pm
Thank you so much for your story. It means alot to me to hear that.
Our stories are similar. I have struggled for 28 years to this day about feeling pretty, accepted and loved. It took me last year in august when I chose a divorce. To realize God made me for me. I am beautiful and loved.
I pray that your encouragement will help me come out and share with others my stories of every sort of abuse out there. That does relate to beauty.
Thanks again for sharing with the world.
Comment by Christine — 5/18/2010 @ 1:14 am
Hey Melissa i think your story about your life in anorexia is wonderful…
why this?
’cause so many people can’t get out of tht sickness…
an example…me…
I was eating disorder 3 years ago… and i thought i never get out,im starving sometimes but the best person in the world , my boyfriend help me… i mean, i went until the hospital, ’cause my body not support that…and i’m here, cause that person help me in that moment, he told me the most beautiful words tht i never listened… he help me to eat again without an a treatment…
im here, listening your song that i love so much… im here playing piano in a musica band… and i hope one day,i can give a message to the world, to many girls in the world… like you’re doing now…
i send you so much huges and kisses, and have nice days…
with love… jean
Comment by jeanette — 5/18/2010 @ 2:44 pm
That actually made me feel better! I’ve always looked up to you, Melissa. I am getting over my ED and trying really hard. I got out of the inpatient and have been in a partial program now! You have to make a decision, guys; ED or…non ED. Please, it is NOT a pretty, popular, or beautiful thing to have an ED. Good luck! <3
Comment by Susy — 5/18/2010 @ 7:30 pm
[...] book about “Courage,” my song on our Beauty From Pain record about my eating disorder (read my story here), and what I want to include in my book are some of those amazing stories many of you have shared [...]
Pingback by Superchick Courage — 5/19/2010 @ 11:50 am
Hey Melissa,
I know exactly how you felt. I started my battle with insecurity when I was 10. My mom had an eating disorder as a teen called Bulimia which she got over on her own with out help. Her mother always said she was the beauty and her sister was the brains and her older sister hated her for that so she would tell my mom she was fat. My mom got over the throwing up part but never the “I’m fat part”. Trust me, she’s thin. When I was little she lost so much weight, we called her “Skeleton”. She’s always been insecure. She passed it along to me. I started to be a chubby child at 8 because my dad got laid off so we ate McDonalds. At 10 I told my mom I was fat and she started me on Weight Watchers and I lost 20 lbs. I was so proud. Then, that lovely thing called a period started and I gained that 20 back plus some but I got a lot taller. Still, I was and still am bigger than the other girls by at least 20-30 lbs. Maybe less if it’s true that we see ourselves heavier than we are. I saw my self going down a dangerous road and I’m still on that road, but slowing down. I took diet pills with my mom for a few months this year. My older brother who lives on the other side of the country found out and made me stop taking them. In PE we learned about eating disorders and watch the movie and Oprah episode and I knew I didn’t want to end up like that and I wont but I learned about this disorder called Fear of Obesity which is the first step sometimes to eating disorders. The puzzle peices fit. I obsess over every little calorie. I’ve tried fad diets. I excersise a lot which isn’t bad but it’s for the wrong reasons. One time I “rejected” a guy who “liked” me and his friend said everyone at school says I’m obese so I worked out at the gym for 2 hours straight. I weight myself every day and hate almost every photo. I just want to see what God sees in me. I want to feel his love but I do want to loose weight. Being a size 11 isn’t very fun. A size 5 is great and even a 7. I just want to loose 20 lbs and I’ll be great. I know that sounds bad but I think that’s the only way I’ll overcome this. Any advice???
Comment by Ashley — 5/19/2010 @ 6:00 pm
Loved your story Melissa, it made me cry. I’ve been doing that a bit lately, mostly because of the beautiful people that have been walking into my life – beginning with our move from Melbourne to Palmwoods – our new church family, Easterfest, 106five FM, even our neighbours. Yours is a story not unfamiliar to me but with a different slant. I love you for sharing and encourage you to remain faithful to the Lords truth: You are beautiful, He made you the way you are and you are His child. Love you, love your work. Hank
Comment by Rod 'Hank' Hanckel — 5/25/2010 @ 10:08 pm
I love this song! Also love “Stand in the Rain!” Thanks for sharing, I know a lot of people can relate. I think I first heard this song on a Youtube video with Mary-Kate Olsen and have loved it ever since.
Comment by Rachel — 7/6/2010 @ 9:33 pm
Melissa
Thank you so much for the song Courage and putting your story out there for everyone to see. It means a lot to me and millions of girls out there.
For about a year I have struggled with disordered eating i will starve myself and skip meals and then binge. I have lost a couple pounds. I know it’s wrong and the lies that Ed is telling me aren’t true and God loves me but that is so hard for me to except. Because not eating makes me feel in control.
I am trying. One day I will have a healthy relationship with food and exercise. It may take a couple months or years but I AM TRYING. Ed’s voice may never disappear but I can fight it. I don’t have to listen to the lies.
Melissa you are such an inspiration. Never give up.
Comment by Ashlynn — 7/28/2010 @ 4:07 pm
Thank you so much for sharing this Melissa! Thank you for being such a good role model and inspiration to millions of girls! You’re so beautiful inside and out and it must have taken a lot of guts to share your story. Thank you!
Comment by jessica — 8/2/2010 @ 4:59 pm