The Story Behind Our Song “Courage”
This week, to support National Eating Disorders Awareness Week, we are giving away a free download of our song “Courage.”
Click here to download the song, no strings attached.
This song is an extremely personal song for me. I want to share with you the story behind the song, which is about my own struggle with an eating disorder. I hope that it reaches someone out there who has been or is where I’ve been, that it will encourage those of you who may be struggling with a similar problem. You’re not alone… and there is hope.
Where do you start when you’re about to be vulnerable with people you have and may never meet? I guess at the beginning…
I think I was 12 when I first started feeling the affects of “pretty pressure,” as I like to call it. My best friend was 2 years older than me and she was tall and athletic and pretty and boys liked her and and and… And that was the first time I remember realizing I was short and kinda chubby and that my daddy thinking I was pretty just wasn’t enough anymore.
And that’s pretty much the story from ages 12-15. Those awkward, hard years of realizing boys exist (even though I kinda always liked boys:)) and going through lots of changes and feeling pressure from so many things: friends, magazines (Bop, Teen Beat), TV, shopping malls with ads of people that were perfect on the walls… There were so many things all around that all added up to me being short and kinda chubby.
There was a defining moment though where it went from just feeling not good enough to doing something about it:
There was a boy… and I liked this boy a lot. He was cute and tall and had curly hair and a great smile that would make me forget what I was thinking or doing if he looked my way. I wanted this boy to like me. I would think of things to say if I ever got the chance to talk to him. I planned my outfits every morning with him in mind.
One day I saw him walking towards me and I thought, “Oh this is it. Here he comes and we are gonna talk and it is gonna be magical!” He came up to me and we chit-chatted for a little bit… And then he looked at me as if he was gonna say something important, you know with the head tilted to one side, blue eyes sparkling, so tall I would have had to stand on my tip toes if he ever kissed me. I had every bit of me alert to the beautiful words I anticipated coming out of his mouth.
“Melissa,” he said.
“Yes?” I replied, with many excited head nods.
“You know, you kind of have chubby ankles,” he said, ever so casually.
And that’s the moment that all the years of feeling a little bit ugly and chubby came to their final pinnacle and then crashed down on me and buried me. That’s the moment I knew I would do anything to never feel that again. That’s the moment I decided to do whatever it takes to not be that girl anymore. That’s the moment I became an anorexic.
I didn’t completely stop eating right away because that would be too obvious. I started with little things, like excuses that I didn’t feel well, so that meal got skipped. Then there was the ‘oh I ate already’ – another meal skipped. The ‘I’m gonna eat as soon as I get home’ – meal skipped. And the ‘when I eat in the morning it makes my stomach upset’ – no meal. ‘I’m going out with friends and we are gonna eat at the mall’ – zero meal.
It became lots of little lies every day until I got so good at it that eventually I had enough lies that I could skip whole days of eating… which became weeks… and then became months. The part that really fueled the fire was that I was losing weight and people were telling me that I looked good. So I thought “why in the world stop?” I was finally getting skinny like I always wanted to be and people seemed to like it. It was a sealed deal as far as I was concerned.
After awhile I actually had said that I didn’t feel well so many times that the thought of food actually did make me feel sick. It was awesome…for awhile. Until people stopped telling me that I looked good and started looking at me funny. Until my grandpa one day said to me that it looked like someone had deflated my chest. Until I started feeling ugly again and the same feelings of just not being happy with myself slowly crept back in.
After about 3 months of pretty much not eating, I started looking for something to make me feel happy and pretty again. It just so happened that my best friend had been away at a clinic for eating disorders and when she got home she started telling me things that she learned there. The most important thing she ever told me one day still rings in my head whenever I feel not quite good enough: God created you uniquely and specifically for a reason and a purpose and He thinks you are a beautiful creation.
Now I’m not here to tell you that the moment she said those words to me I believed them and was miraculously transformed. But those words did start something inside of me. Kind of like a little (very little) seed of truth and hope were planted and the more I started to want my life to change and the more I talked to my friend about it, the more it would grow.
I honestly don’t remember exactly how long it took but I do remember the moment I believed it for the first time. I was standing in the bathroom looking in the mirror. At first I was just looking at myself, doing the usual dissecting and scrutinizing every inch and criticizing myself…. and then those words about God knitting me in my mother’s womb came to me as if someone was audibly saying it out loud to me at that moment.
I tried to ignore it, but then again I heard, “I made you exactly the way I wanted you to be – a beautiful creation. You are beautiful!”
God was telling me something in that moment that I will never forget, and when I looked up into the mirror this time it was not with my eyes – I saw myself for the first time the way God looks down on me. The same way He looked down on me the day that I was born and said, “What a beautiful creation!”
And it’s not just about a worldly beauty that changes and fades, but a Godly kind of beauty. The kind of beauty that we see when we look at the mountains and the ocean, the sky, flowers, birds, rainbows and all the other things that God created and that we stop and say, “Wow, that is so beautiful.” The God that created those things created me. I am beautiful… a beauty that cannot be taken away from me because it was created in me before I was even one day old.
I broke that day. I cried and cried and cried, but not because I felt ugly or unaccepted. I cried because for the first time, I felt truly and wholeheartedly loved with no strings attached just the way that I am.
I’m not gonna sit here and say that after that it was easy going. It did get better – way better – for a long time. And then about the third year I was in Superchick I somehow forgot about that beauty that I’d found that day so many years before. I started feeling inadequate and like I needed to be a certain shape and size for people to love me. So I stopped eating again. It wasn’t as easy this time though, because I had people in my life that knew the lies I would try to use. I did give into the anorexia again for a bit, but this time it was harder.
I believe that’s because once you know the truth, you can’t hide from it for very long. You can ignore it for awhile and keep yourself busy and try to push it away, but when everything stops – and there will always be a moment when it does and you are all alone confronted with what you are doing to yourself – the truth will start to whisper in your ear.
And for me God whispered once again, “You are my beautiful creation, Melissa.” I couldn’t ignore it. So I clung to it like water and air. I made it my mantra every morning when I would wake up. I would look in the mirror and say, “What am I gonna believe today? Lies or the truth? Am I going to be courageous? Am I going to choose real beauty or fake?”
And that’s what I have done every day since then.
It’s not always about a one time choice. Sometimes that’s too big or too hard to handle or grasp or deal with. So we make it one day at a time. And some days (I’m gonna be completely honest here), I choose the lie. But the beauty of life is that the next day, or even the next minute sometimes, I can choose the truth.
My name is Melissa. I have struggled with anorexia since I was 15 years old. Today I beat it and choose the truth. I am beautiful. I am loved. I am me.
Download “Courage” this week for free by clicking here. Please feel free to share this link with friends who may also need to hear the song this week during National Eating Disorders Awareness Week.
There are so many people out there who are struggling with self-image issues and eating disorders. Sometimes, all it can take to help someone is an unexpected compliment to remind them that they are beautiful! Join the OperationBeautiful.com movement and help change someone’s perception of themselves today… because we all need a reminder sometimes that we are each uniquely and wonderfully so beautiful!
This story is beautiful, Melissa. Thank you for sharing it.
Comment by Elena — 2/22/2010 @ 3:18 pm
Melissa, thank you SO much for sharing your story and allowing God to use you in this way. You are one amazing, brave, beautiful chick! I first heard about you guys years ago in college and Superchick has been a huge encouragement and support in my life ever since. I appreciate you more than you will ever know. Thanks for being so awesome!
Comment by Bekah — 2/22/2010 @ 3:37 pm
Thank you Melissa. That was very Courageous for you to tell your story. In a way I have the opposite life. I am the person who say they want the body like. It is discerning to me because I want the people that say that to see that they are beautiful just the way they are. I am short and skinny, but I can’t help my skinniness. My friend asked me at a convention one day. “Is it hard for you to gain weight.” I said yes. “Have you just grown to a certain weight and stayed their and not gained any more weight no matter how much you have tried?” I said yes. She said “you might have what I have, ectomorphism.” When you are an ectomorph you can’t gain wait. You have to do full body work outs and eat more than you think you can to gain weight. I don’t want to do that because I fell that God made me the way I am and I want to stay that way. Sure I can never give blood but I am healthy and eat everyday. I may look super skinny to people but I love food!
Thank you so much for putting yourself out there and being honest. I am sure you will touch lives with this. Keep up the music too, I love your music and I have used it to encourage girls in my life.
Comment by Katrina — 2/22/2010 @ 3:57 pm
Thank you. So much. You don’t know how much sharing this story has made me feel. I skip meals every now and then or cut back a little.
My friends the perfect one. I listen to courage so much. I love it. Thank you.
Comment by Hidden — 2/22/2010 @ 4:19 pm
Thank you for sharing your story Melissa, and for being so honest. You have truly changed a life. Thank you.
Comment by Elissa — 2/22/2010 @ 4:56 pm
This song helped change my life!
Comment by Rachel — 2/22/2010 @ 5:04 pm
Melissa, I can relate to your story. Altough often thik of myself as “chubby” or “ugly”. I have this curve in my spine that was cause by a hereditary desise that I have. That curve makes it hard for me to find clothes that fit right, and it also makes my stomache stick out a bit. It’s hard for me to think of myself as beautiful most of the time when I don’t have a normal shape, and I never hear it from anyone (unless I start talking about how ugly I feel). I have never tried to skip meals to make me look thin, because not eating anything just makes me feel sick, and my mom would definately notice. I have tried eating very little, but that never lasts, because there’s always the one day someone is handing out chocolate cake, and I just want to eat it all, but then I beat myself up for “eating like a fat person”. Thanks for sharing your story, it’s really insirational.
Comment by Marina — 2/22/2010 @ 5:40 pm
Melissa – thank you for sharing your story. I’ve been battling anorexia for awhile now, and its so hard to try to recover. I feel like I’m stuck in a place of limbo where I want to get better, but not at the expense of gaining. Your story is very inspirational to me, I hope I can use it as a work on recovery.
Thank you.
Comment by Lauren — 2/22/2010 @ 6:06 pm
Thanks for sharing, especially through the song. My friend was struggling with an eating disorder 5 years ago and I played her the song. She seemed upset that I showed her at first but it expressed what I couldnt. I have not gone through the same struggles but she was able to relate to your song and I believe it jump started her healing process. Thank you so much for having the bravery to be totally honest.
Much love.(:
Comment by Arietta — 2/22/2010 @ 6:21 pm
Thank you so much for sharing this!! I really needed to hear it! I’ve been dealing with an eating disorder and just started to get help not to long ago. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Your story has given me hope that it can all turn out okay. Thank you! You are an amazing person!
Comment by Elizabeth — 2/22/2010 @ 6:23 pm
Melissa
Thank you. Thank you for the honesty in your writing. For sharing your story with your fans. I have struggled with body-image and, I finally am admitting, anorexia. I have always seen myself as ugly. Even at the age of 27 I see myself that way. Looking at myself not even an hour ago, those exact words came out of my mouth. Your story is an amazing reminder to either live the lies or live the truth. I pray that every day you continue to choose to live the truth, and I will try to do the same. Thank your for sharing.
Comment by Melanie — 2/22/2010 @ 6:40 pm
Melissa,
You inspire me so much. Thank you so much for sharing your story so openly. That can not have be easy, but know that you have at least touched me. I cried as I read your story.
I’ve struggled with Anorexia since I was 8. I’ve spent the last 2 years in and out of hospitals and treatment. I’m finally doing better. I’m fighting harder than I ever have. And it’s not easy at all.
But hearing your story, knowing that someone can fight this monster, and come out the other side. It gives me so much hope. I want to beat this thing so bad. It’s controlled my life for to long.
I take hope in knowing that God sees me as Beautiful, and that I DON’T have to be perfect to be loved by him. That is what I tell myself every morning now. On my mirror I have a note that says “You are made in God’s image, and that makes you beautiful! You are made for a purpose!”
This is turning out longer than I wanted. But I wanted you thank you, and the rest of the band, for the stance you take on this. For spreading awareness. People need to know that there IS hope, and you are helping tell them that. You’re an inspiration to me.
thank you for all that you do. Your music has kept me going on some of the darkest nights. Really I can’t than you guys enough! Keep up the great work! and God bless.
Until the whole world hears,
Bethany
Comment by Bethany — 2/22/2010 @ 7:27 pm
[...] Melissa’s full story behind the song Courage here. You can get the free download of Courage [...]
Pingback by Free Superchick Song For Download | To Start A Fire — 2/22/2010 @ 8:33 pm
[...] biggest step is knowing you aren’t alone.” Read Melissa’s story in its entirety at http://www.superchickonline.com/blog/?p=506. Also–access the free download of “Courage” at [...]
Pingback by Superchick offers free download | HM — 2/23/2010 @ 1:03 pm
Thank you Melissa.
Comment by Alex Perrier — 2/23/2010 @ 1:06 pm
[...] there who has been or is where I have been. The biggest step is knowing you aren’t alone.” Read Melissa’s story in its entirety Tagged as: Beauty From Pain, Courage, Download, National Eating Disorders Awareness Week, [...]
Pingback by Soul-Audio » News » Superchick’s Free Download Raises Awareness — 2/23/2010 @ 1:34 pm
Thank you, you have no idea how much this helps…
Comment by Heather — 2/23/2010 @ 3:24 pm
Thank you so much, Melissa! That song has helped me a lot during the past few years, especially this past year and summer when I was having a really rough time. I don’t have an eating disorder, but I definetly don’t eat normally and I have really bad self-esteem/anxiety issues. Courage (and all of Superchick’s songs) always let me know I’m not alone and give me such a confidence boost!
Thank you again.
Comment by Molly — 2/23/2010 @ 3:36 pm
Thank-you so much for this. I think it just opened a light that has said “I am beautiful”. While I’ve been called skinny and anorexic looking, I still feel overweight. I am the tall athletic skinny chick. but I don’t feel beautiful, but not eating seems to make me feel better about myself, but this makes me realize it doesn’t. God made me this way for a reason.
Comment by Kelly — 2/23/2010 @ 3:48 pm
hi superchick! i love your guy music so many songs have inspired me. of course sometimes i dont feel beautiful but i think of how amazing great our god maed us changes that for me. I just learned that there is a cell in our bodies that holds us together and is in the shape of a cross. You guys probably knew that but just thinking of that makes me realize that god is with us. No Matter what we are goin throught hi is there as long as we put our faith and trust in him! Thank you so much
Comment by sammi — 2/23/2010 @ 4:52 pm
Melissa, I just want to say thanks for creating this song. It expressed what I felt so hard to do for so long. I’ve been battling anorexia for about 3 and a half years now and your song and story is inspirational. I’m in treatment now and I pray that I will be able to continue in recovery. Thank you for being so brave and sharing your story. I know that it has helped me. I will be praying for you.
Comment by Alyssa — 2/23/2010 @ 6:05 pm
Melissa that is amazing I’ve loved “Courage” since I first heard it and I’ve been wondering what happened to make you guys write that I got most of it except I didn’t know all of the story.
Thank You for everything
p.s. I can’t wait to see you guys at Ichthus 2010
Comment by Sam — 2/23/2010 @ 7:16 pm
Thank you so much for this. It really touched me. I have been battling with my feelings over my weight, and sometimes I feel just the way you described. I’m sometimes afraid that I might develop an eating disorder, because I will try not to eat my meals sometimes, but your story and the song really kinda brought me to my senses. Thank you for bringing me back to reality before it was too late.
I will definitely keep you in my prayers, because I understand what it’s like.
Comment by Erika — 2/23/2010 @ 9:02 pm
So encouraged by this. I have never struggled with anorexia, but I have struggled and still struggle daily with the idea of not being beautiful enough, I have had other addictions in my life I have struggled to overcome because of this. I long to feel beautiful not just be told I am beautiful… I long for it to be true in my own heart. Accepting beauty is so difficult in today’s society.
Thank you for sharing your testimony and your struggles. God Bless your ministry.
Maddie
Comment by Maddie — 2/23/2010 @ 10:38 pm
[...] Melissa’s story in its entirety at http://www.superchickonline.com/blog/?p=506. Also–access the free download of “Courage” [...]
Pingback by Rawkzilla » Blog Archive » Superchick — 2/24/2010 @ 8:46 am
Thank You Melissa for sharing your story with all of us! I have been truly blessed I have never truly thought myself ugly. I will every once in a while say to myself you “I am ugly” but as soon as those words come out of my mouth or that thought reaches my mind I tell myself that God loves me for who I am and He knit me together in my mother’s womb he made ME beautiful he took the time to make me who I am. He loves me and made me uniquely, perfect in his eyes. My family has ALWAYS called me beautiful I can never go out of my Grandparents or Aunt’s without them saying how beautiful I am! My friends have started to tell me the same things recently and a lot of times I just think about how annoying it is! But I have to stop and remind myself there are many girls who don’t have the privilige of people telling them how Pretty they are! And my Grandma always says that it’s not just that I’m beautiful it’s I have a beautiful personality and that’s what makes me beautiful! Every day I remind myself that God loves me and that to him I am beautiful no matter my imperfections! Melissa thank you so much for sharing your story! I love the song Courage and can’t wait for your next CD!
Sister in Christ~
Morgan
Comment by Morgan — 2/25/2010 @ 11:33 am
Melissa, thank you so much for sharing your story. “Courage” has always been such a meaningful song to me. I struggled with an eating disorder for a good portion of my life, but I am incredibly grateful to God to be able to say that I have not acted on those urges for over 15 years now! I shared your song link on my blog, along with links to NEDA, Operation Beautiful & your story. I think it’s awesome that you are allowing God to bring “beauty from ashes” in this way!
Comment by Amy — 2/25/2010 @ 9:16 pm
[...] Melissa’s story in its entirety at SuperchickOnline.com. Also–access the free download of “Courage” at [...]
Pingback by Superchick Offers Free Download of ‘Courage’ In Support Of NEDAwareness Week - Inpop Records — 2/26/2010 @ 4:39 pm
Thanks for sharing your story. Almost everyday I look in the mirror and find something wrong with myself. I would like to say thank you for reminding me that God made me perfect.
Comment by Kaitlin — 2/26/2010 @ 5:16 pm
Thank you so much for sharing this story! I have struggled with anorexia as well since I was 16 but knowing that other people are there with you and have over came this is so encouraging! Keep sharing your story! GOD BLESS ALL OF YOU!
Comment by Ellen — 2/27/2010 @ 12:32 pm
Melissa,
thank you so much for sharing your story with all of us! Your song “Courage” has helped me through so much.
I had a pretty nasty battle with bulimia last year, and still struggle with body image. Just hearing the words from my earbuds, telling me that I am not on my own. The song is so uplifting to me.
Thank you for reminding me that I AM fearfully and wonderfully made, and God will bring beauty from this pain… and my Courage is not for nothing. God bless all you guys!
Comment by Sara — 2/27/2010 @ 4:43 pm
Thank you so much for sharing your story! I haven’t struggled with an eating disorder but I did use to struggle with a certain addiction. And I found it very inspirational that you said it’s a daily decision, I’ve never looked at it that way. But now that I look at it that way it seems possible to overcome. One day at a time, one decision at a time, side by side with God. Thank you once again for sharing your story!
Comment by Rachel — 2/27/2010 @ 7:31 pm
OMG, that was beautiful! God bless you Meli, you rock and yes, we are beautiful, we are God’s creation, we are loved! <3
Comment by Mel — 3/3/2010 @ 4:24 pm
I just wanted to tell you that this girl is using your song “courage” in her pro-ana youtube video. She talks about how she is “not alone” and want to find people who share her goals (of starving herself)
http://www.youtube.com/user/lovethinxxstaystrong#p/a/u/1/1sHKlXiM9uY
Comment by Larissa — 3/4/2010 @ 7:53 pm
[...] Did you know she struggled with an eating disorder when she was 15? Melissa knows what it’s like to “… not feel pretty, to feel fat, to feel like no one would ever want to be with you or even be friends with you because you feel so bad about yourself. BUT I also know how it feels to be free from those pressures and feel a love and acceptance that isn’t humanly possible.” Read her story. [...]
Pingback by FREE Superchic[k] download! — 3/11/2010 @ 11:20 am
[...] Did you know she struggled with an eating disorder when she was 15? Melissa knows what it’s like to “… not feel pretty, to feel fat, to feel like no one would ever want to be with you or even be friends with you because you feel so bad about yourself. BUT I also know how it feels to be free from those pressures and feel a love and acceptance that isn’t humanly possible.” Read her story. [...]
Pingback by FREE Superchic[k] download! — 3/11/2010 @ 11:20 am
This song made me cry. I thought I was fat for the longest time. I was tired of being made fun of. I don’t have that many friends. The friends I do have though love me so much. I thought that not eating would help but I still got called ugly. One day my friend ( who is not my friend anymore do to a bunch of stuff ) Force fed me. I went to a christian camp called center fuge and didnt eat at all. This song touched my heart. It relates to me so much. My parents don’t know and I eat in front of them so I have to eat but I eat little some times and moderatley others. If they found out they would probably say I was doing it for attention. My mom wieghed 105 in her senior year. I’m in middle school and wiegh 117. I feel so fat. My friends tell me Im not but I think I am. But, this song really helped. I hope that I can get these thoughts from my head. But anyone who nows what I do yells at me. All of my friends are smaller than me. I feel like a loser. I have 2 friends at school. They are both like super skinny well This song will help me and so will your story thanks so much
Comment by Harmony — 3/18/2010 @ 4:54 pm
Thank you so much for this.
Comment by Jasmine — 3/23/2010 @ 12:35 pm
Your song, Courage, was the background music to a video that came up on YouTube. It was the first time I broke down and cried and admitted what I needed to myself. It’s funny now, but I had never noticed my excuses and lies until I heard your song. It was really my introduction to Christian music (my church is an ethnic church–all our hymns are in Armenian). I especially drew strength from Beauty From Pain, Stand in the Rain, Courage, and We Live.
By God’s grace, I do, finally, consider myself “fully recovered.” But your song gave me the courage to seek God and accept his answer. Thank you.
Comment by Jo — 3/23/2010 @ 8:50 pm
Melissa..
I am doing a slide show for youth group on eating disorders. And I was listening to some older songs on my laptop, and i was like, “oh let’s listen to Superchick” and the song Courage came on. And i was like THIS SONGS SO PERFECT! i love the fact you were honest about your struggles. truth is i’m 15 years old, i’ve been anerexic on and off since i was 11. i get better then one bad comment about my weight even if it’s a joke kills me. so i throw up. my best friend gets upset she says i’m underweight, being 115 and 5 foot 6. but sometimes i look in the mirror and i’m like holy crap i’m FAT!! and i can’t stand that thought. so i’m actually giving a lecture for my youth group on eating disorders. I read a website today that said 8 million people in the USA have and eating disorder, and 90% of them are girls.. that makes me wanna cry. God loves us for us. “there is no image in God’s eyes that we have to fit. it’s all the perfection we seek that tears us down” is the quote my best friend tells me everyday. i really hope some girls or even guys out there hear this song and it gives them the same Courage it’s giving me. Thank you.
Comment by Paige — 3/24/2010 @ 6:30 pm
i guess i’m not just anorexic i’m bulimic to so it’s like a double whammy.. but i’m excited to do my lecture now.. it’s hard to over come.. especially when you think your alone. but i know now i’m not.
Comment by Paige — 3/24/2010 @ 6:36 pm
hi..
I’m from Israel.. I’ve been dealing with anorexia since I was 12.. (I’m 20 now).. I’ve been hospitalized for 2 years.. I heard this song when I was there, one of the girls was a fanatic =]
it’s a beautiful song, since I like to dance (I’ve been dancing since I was 6 years old).. I’ve danced to this song so many times and it’s so liberating..
you’re so brave melissa, for opening up like that, and writing that amazing song!
I salute u.
thank u
Comment by yael — 3/30/2010 @ 7:48 am
i know how it feels to slip..
over and over again.
Comment by bella — 4/3/2010 @ 7:57 pm
I’ve never been anorexic and i know i won’t in the future, since i’m still pretty young i think that helped me a lot before entering into high school and doing things to my body that i shouldn’t do! the first time i heard your song was hero and that was when i was doing a project about bullies and oh my gosh that was whoa i couldn’t believe how many people would get bullied and feel depressed! whoa too much words…sorry i’m young xP
Comment by mia — 5/3/2010 @ 9:12 pm
[...] book about “Courage,” my song on our Beauty From Pain record about my eating disorder (read my story here), and what I want to include in my book are some of those amazing stories many of you have shared [...]
Pingback by Superchick » Share Your Stories About Courage — 5/17/2010 @ 1:46 pm
Thank you! my story is pretty much just like yours. and i can’t explain how much this means…for you to come out and tell the world what you’ve been through. you are encouraging me today. and i pray i can be a godly women like you.
Comment by anna — 5/17/2010 @ 6:03 pm
Thank you so much for your story. It means alot to me to hear that.
Our stories are similar. I have struggled for 28 years to this day about feeling pretty, accepted and loved. It took me last year in august when I chose a divorce. To realize God made me for me. I am beautiful and loved.
I pray that your encouragement will help me come out and share with others my stories of every sort of abuse out there. That does relate to beauty.
Thanks again for sharing with the world.
Comment by Christine — 5/18/2010 @ 1:14 am
Hey Melissa i think your story about your life in anorexia is wonderful…
why this?
’cause so many people can’t get out of tht sickness…
an example…me…
I was eating disorder 3 years ago… and i thought i never get out,im starving sometimes but the best person in the world , my boyfriend help me… i mean, i went until the hospital, ’cause my body not support that…and i’m here, cause that person help me in that moment, he told me the most beautiful words tht i never listened… he help me to eat again without an a treatment…
im here, listening your song that i love so much… im here playing piano in a musica band… and i hope one day,i can give a message to the world, to many girls in the world… like you’re doing now…
i send you so much huges and kisses, and have nice days…
with love… jean
Comment by jeanette — 5/18/2010 @ 2:44 pm
That actually made me feel better! I’ve always looked up to you, Melissa. I am getting over my ED and trying really hard. I got out of the inpatient and have been in a partial program now! You have to make a decision, guys; ED or…non ED. Please, it is NOT a pretty, popular, or beautiful thing to have an ED. Good luck! <3
Comment by Susy — 5/18/2010 @ 7:30 pm
[...] book about “Courage,” my song on our Beauty From Pain record about my eating disorder (read my story here), and what I want to include in my book are some of those amazing stories many of you have shared [...]
Pingback by Superchick Courage — 5/19/2010 @ 11:50 am
Hey Melissa,
I know exactly how you felt. I started my battle with insecurity when I was 10. My mom had an eating disorder as a teen called Bulimia which she got over on her own with out help. Her mother always said she was the beauty and her sister was the brains and her older sister hated her for that so she would tell my mom she was fat. My mom got over the throwing up part but never the “I’m fat part”. Trust me, she’s thin. When I was little she lost so much weight, we called her “Skeleton”. She’s always been insecure. She passed it along to me. I started to be a chubby child at 8 because my dad got laid off so we ate McDonalds. At 10 I told my mom I was fat and she started me on Weight Watchers and I lost 20 lbs. I was so proud. Then, that lovely thing called a period started and I gained that 20 back plus some but I got a lot taller. Still, I was and still am bigger than the other girls by at least 20-30 lbs. Maybe less if it’s true that we see ourselves heavier than we are. I saw my self going down a dangerous road and I’m still on that road, but slowing down. I took diet pills with my mom for a few months this year. My older brother who lives on the other side of the country found out and made me stop taking them. In PE we learned about eating disorders and watch the movie and Oprah episode and I knew I didn’t want to end up like that and I wont but I learned about this disorder called Fear of Obesity which is the first step sometimes to eating disorders. The puzzle peices fit. I obsess over every little calorie. I’ve tried fad diets. I excersise a lot which isn’t bad but it’s for the wrong reasons. One time I “rejected” a guy who “liked” me and his friend said everyone at school says I’m obese so I worked out at the gym for 2 hours straight. I weight myself every day and hate almost every photo. I just want to see what God sees in me. I want to feel his love but I do want to loose weight. Being a size 11 isn’t very fun. A size 5 is great and even a 7. I just want to loose 20 lbs and I’ll be great. I know that sounds bad but I think that’s the only way I’ll overcome this. Any advice???
Comment by Ashley — 5/19/2010 @ 6:00 pm
Loved your story Melissa, it made me cry. I’ve been doing that a bit lately, mostly because of the beautiful people that have been walking into my life – beginning with our move from Melbourne to Palmwoods – our new church family, Easterfest, 106five FM, even our neighbours. Yours is a story not unfamiliar to me but with a different slant. I love you for sharing and encourage you to remain faithful to the Lords truth: You are beautiful, He made you the way you are and you are His child. Love you, love your work. Hank
Comment by Rod 'Hank' Hanckel — 5/25/2010 @ 10:08 pm
I love this song! Also love “Stand in the Rain!” Thanks for sharing, I know a lot of people can relate. I think I first heard this song on a Youtube video with Mary-Kate Olsen and have loved it ever since.
Comment by Rachel — 7/6/2010 @ 9:33 pm
Melissa
Thank you so much for the song Courage and putting your story out there for everyone to see. It means a lot to me and millions of girls out there.
For about a year I have struggled with disordered eating i will starve myself and skip meals and then binge. I have lost a couple pounds. I know it’s wrong and the lies that Ed is telling me aren’t true and God loves me but that is so hard for me to except. Because not eating makes me feel in control.
I am trying. One day I will have a healthy relationship with food and exercise. It may take a couple months or years but I AM TRYING. Ed’s voice may never disappear but I can fight it. I don’t have to listen to the lies.
Melissa you are such an inspiration. Never give up.
Comment by Ashlynn — 7/28/2010 @ 4:07 pm
Thank you so much for sharing this Melissa! Thank you for being such a good role model and inspiration to millions of girls! You’re so beautiful inside and out and it must have taken a lot of guts to share your story. Thank you!
Comment by jessica — 8/2/2010 @ 4:59 pm
I just wanted to say thank to Superchick. I have been through a gauntlet of testing in the last few months. I have been tested with home sickness and lonliness, feeling inadequate and overwhelmed, loliness and betrayal from the only man i have ever loved. It has been hard to see the good and purpose behind God leading my life in this direction, but your music has helped me connect with God on such an amazing level. I am a beautiful worthy unique creation of God, In my suffering and pain there is beauty and life. Thank you for helping me persevere through the darkest valleys in my life. God bless you and please continue to be a blessing to others. What you do is so special, and you are definietly doing God work.
Comment by April — 9/20/2010 @ 6:36 am
melissa…i have never truly struggled with an eating disorder, but i am fourteen years old and fight every day with dismal self image. i am not overweight, but have always detested my body–i recently lost nearly twenty pounds due to a combination of exercise and medication for various health conditions (loss of appetite is one side effect). i have always been different from the rest of my peers and this only emphasizes the margin–girls in my class comment on it, even though they are still thinner than i am, and my parents are upset with me. your song rings absolutely true, both for girls in with eating disorders–i have two friends who are both anorexic, and they just break my heart sometimes–and for girls in general. society has set a double standard: teenage girls these days are supposed to be skinny and pretty and perfect, and then we are beaten down for having low self-esteem and constantly “starving ourselves.” i know what it’s like to go days on end without food and feel like throwing up at the sight of crackers. i know what it’s like to make excuses to skip meals and feel guilty about the lies. i know what it’s like to dread the scales at the doctors’ offices–not necessarily because of what the numbers mean for me personally, but because of how my parents will react. for any girl going through this on her own, don’t lose hope. reach out for help. we’re all around you. we’re crying in the bathroom stalls, pretending not to hear each other. we’re picking at our food during lunch, trying to make it disappear. these secrets are dangerous. you’re not alone, i promise–and god bless you, melissa, for opening this topic. never give up.
Comment by bex — 12/13/2010 @ 3:07 pm
if anyone can tell me how i can help a friend who is struggling with an eating disorder, i would greatly appreciate the help. one of my friends is a ballerina and trying to lose weight–maybe it’s just a diet, but she lost a lot of weight last year. other friend, 5’6” and weighs less than a hundred pounds. so skinny, i can circle her arms with my fingertips. she knows that she’s an anorexic, has been in recovery…how can i make sure that she doesn’t head down that road again? i love my friends so much and never ever want to see them hurt. also, how do i tell people that i do NOT have an eating disorder, just a medical condition? please respond.
Comment by bex — 12/13/2010 @ 3:19 pm
It was nice reading this(especially when I passed through this same problem). The song is good.
Comment by Ruth — 12/19/2010 @ 12:16 am
Hey Mellisa! Thank you so SOOOOO much for sharing this. I’m eleven, and for years I’ve been “scrawny”. My parents, teachers, and friends have actually asked me if I’m bulimic/anorexic. I’m not, but I’m not satisfied with my weight, either. Everyone tells me that 65 pounds is not normal, not healthy for an eleven year old, and that’s just the cover weight I give friends. It’s actually around the 55 mark. But, I really wish I had a little- fine, a lot- less flab at my thighs. Everyone insists my arms are skinny, but I want a little muscle, not just skinny. I run, do pushups, lift five pound weights. (They don’t sound heavy, but those things leave your arms burning.) Why isn’t it working? I even skip the OCCASIONAL meal. I don’t want to lose weight, just be strong- a pound of muscle is the size of a golf ball, but a pound of fat is a baseball. So even if I stay the same weight, I should look better, right? My body doesn’t seem to agree- I lost five pounds while trying to exercise, and NOTHING in muscle. What’s up with me?
Comment by Darby — 1/25/2011 @ 7:20 pm
thanx mellissa!
i had a anorexia with 13 to 13,5 years…
IT WAS TERRIBLE!
the diffence from yours was that i didnt had to lie!
i just was honest and i didnt care much when they said that i’m doing something bad to my health.
so i gave it up in many steps
1.my mom asked me for another kilo so i got 41 kilos
2.we moved from cologne to bonn (both in germany-I’m German) so i had to change school and in the school in bonn i wasnt happy so my parents allowed me to go in cologne to school again (wich meaned that i had to change the town EVERYDAY for going to school) IF i gave them another kilo ….42 kilos(kilos are pounds)
3.my mom started drawing and reading art-books so we could be together …
While i was playing computer games she was reading an art book and so it came that we talked ,had fun and ate!!!
she made sandwiches that were so Delicious that i couldnt gat enough of it !
so i ate more and got 44 kilos!
and then i just was to lazy to make a diet again and the next day i broke up with it and ate more and more!
now i am 53 kilos and 155 cm (i dont know how many feet that is)
I am sorry if i made any wrong grammer in this text!
Comment by Bery-yum-yum — 2/11/2011 @ 2:16 pm
Thank you so much fir sharing your story so openly and honestly! I’m recovering from anerexsia have been trying very hard to for 5 years and it’s so hard to eat when I look so fat and ugly your song and espeshly your story is so encouraging and brings me hope that I can one day see my self as god does. I want. So much to be beautiful and treshered for who I am.
Comment by charitie — 2/16/2011 @ 8:36 pm
Hey Melissa I just wanted to thank you for telling your story because I have been feeling like I am over weight and ugly since I was 11 and i’m 14 now and I skip a lot of my meals.I am only 5 ft and like a qtr inch(i’m short) so anytime I eat its very obvious and I look a little heavier. I struggle alot with my body image and your story was a great inspiration to me! I hope some day I will have the Courage that you do!!!
P.S. Courage is one of my favorite songs ever
Comment by Mandolin — 3/13/2011 @ 10:43 am
Oh I forgot to mention that since I’ve learned that God loves me for me, I’ve gained 4 pounds so now I’m 94 pounds and I try to eat meals but I still have the tendancy to slip and skip meals for the day
Comment by Mandolin — 3/13/2011 @ 10:47 am
Melissa:
I have struggled with anorexia/bulimia for almost 10 years now. I got married a few years ago, and I have had two beautiful girls since then. For the most part I have been keeping my eating disorder in check over the past few years, however, every day is still a struggle. I really want to be a good role model for my girls, as I would be devastated if they ever had to struggle with an eating disorder. I want them to always feel beautiful. Your song “courage”, has given me great hope, since I first heard the song a few years back. You are so brave to tell your story in order to help others. Thanks for everything!
Sincerely,
Jeni
Comment by Jeni Blue — 3/25/2011 @ 6:46 pm
Mellisa, I did read your story and I know God all my life know and I still do and still love him but melissa I dont feelanything right now it feels o dont what to stop and I’m sceared I’m in this for 4months now and I’m sceared I want to be skinny and be acsepted I know God made me but cant feel anything I cant talk because every. Body is mad at me and all who I have now is I dont even know did it happen to you to that every body left you? But tx for your story it made me cry… Hugs4life yolandie
Comment by yolandie — 4/17/2011 @ 11:28 am
[...] Melissa’s story behind this song and her struggle with an eating disorder by clicking here. We find a lot of girls on YouTube have misinterpreted this song as a pro ana/mi anthem… but [...]
Pingback by Superchick » Madeline Covers “Courage” — 4/19/2011 @ 9:47 am
Keep believe it, because that is true : you are beautiful, and since the day I began listening to Superchick, you became one of my favorite guitar player from the bands I listen to. And this is the kind of song that helps me going on some days.
Comment by Midnight — 4/22/2011 @ 1:43 pm
I heard this song while I was 14 yrs.old (I am now 15) but I haven’t read the lyrics. I fell in love with the flow of the music and before I realized about the lyrics, at that time…I was always teased that I have flabby arms, chubby cheeks, big eye bags, curly and dry hair and most of my friends and relatives..and even my parents! (I am middle child by the way) loves my sisters more than me for they are skinny and sexy, they can wear what they want to wear and I can only wear loose shirts and jeans. They have their attention to them, give them expensive shoes, wonderful dress while I am all alone in my bedroom, drawing or playing guitar/listen to music..because it helps me to escape from reality..ignoring them.. it seems to me that I am the ugliest of all. So, I started not eating properly..then, by the time I got thinner.. then, my dad noticed it and lots of bad things happened to me, I got hyperventilated while playing soccer twice, got asthma attack, (I have it since I was born and forgot that I have a weak immune system.) I got weaker and weaker..but I didn’t mind it until now.. and then, I just read your story just now.. and read the lyrics of the song, I wanted to cry but my dad is at my side working.. but deep inside me I was crying when I realized
“In the eyes of God, we are all beautiful”. I wanted to thank you personally..well, it seems kind of impossible, but.. THANK YOU for sharing your story. You made my eyes open.
Comment by Loremae — 4/22/2011 @ 11:02 pm
Melissa i’m pretty sure you just stopped me from turning anorexic
Comment by Alex — 5/11/2011 @ 10:27 pm
in life I think each of us is given a struggle internal/external and as we navigate along whatever paths we choose throughout life we overcome the struggles handed to us and as difficult as it is once we reach a certain point we can begine to look from side to side and see the paths that run along side of us we see the people going through struggles similer to our own and remember our breaking point and the hand that extended to us and the hand becomes our own as we reach out to those around us, thank you i remember telling these lies to those around me the people i loved, i remember being in the bathroom after i had puked up the small amount of food i had eaten and the world was spinning and all i could do was pray someone noticed… and they did.
Comment by jen — 6/9/2011 @ 11:14 am
i haven’t any eating problems, but just wanted to say that i think it’s amazing how many people you have helped and lives you have changed just by telling your story. So simple in length and words, but so incredible in meaning. I want to thank you, not just for helping me realise how beautiful I truly am, but for what you’ve done in this world. God bless.
Comment by georgia — 6/11/2011 @ 11:51 pm
[...] you’ve finished watching, please click here to read the story behind the song to learn more about [...]
Pingback by Superchick » Fan Video – Things I Lost To My Eating Disorder — 7/12/2011 @ 11:13 am
You are so strong for sharing that, thank you, I feel alot in what you wrote, I havent gone so far that I had anorexia, but I did lose alot of weight in a certain time, I still struggle with food and what to eat, but mostly with my body.
Comment by Heidi — 7/12/2011 @ 11:19 am
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I’ve been struggling with an eating disorder for about 7 months now, but recently it has been getting worse. I’ve lost almost 3 pounds in the last week. Your story gives me hope that I can beat this.
Comment by Michaela — 7/12/2011 @ 11:30 am
Hey, thanks so much Melissa. This was a really touching storry I guess I’ll say. I was just really kid of wacked in the face by it, in a good way. It made me re-realize alot of things i have started to forget. It was a really great reminder for me because I tend to want to make myself forget that I am fine the way I am and that God loves me this way. Part of me always wants to please this world, wich I know is wrong. I just needed to hear it again that I am beutiful the way I have always been.
I live in Africa and got the album “Beuty from pain” sent to me by someone and I really liked it. I’m really glad everything has fallen into place so that I would have the chance to read this. Beleive it or not Africa still gives you the same “pretty pressure” as America dose.
This was a reminder I really needed so thank you so much!
–Liz
Comment by Elizabeth — 7/12/2011 @ 12:09 pm
Thanks for everything! Superchick changed my life! Cheers from Brazil <3
Comment by Rohmutantx — 7/12/2011 @ 7:52 pm
Dear. Melissa
Thank you for creating and singing this beautiful song. Actually, I am just a girl from an Asian country who thought that this anorexic and bulimic eating habit of mine will never disappear.
My eating disorder started when I was sixteen. I was an outsider who could not spoke English properly in International high school so that I was stressed out, cursing my life and my father who had sent me to foreign environment when I was not prepared and even reluctant to. I wanted to control my life which resulted in my controlling over food.
controlling consumption and abstaining food, at first, seemed to me as the perfect methods to “Control my life”. But it was not. It was just faking the reality, extending my arms into untouchable illusion. With skinny body, other people saw a smart and slim girl when I saw a monster who hurts herself with food.
I was pretty much stuck into the obsessive eating patterns which slowly eat away my soul, my health, and my spirit. Then, I heard your song. yea. your story and the lyrics of this song touched my heart and lit the dark corridor of my depressed heart. From today, I will become a courageous young lady who can beat my former eating disorder and who can control her life with other positive methods, not meddling with food consumption. I promise that I will do that. As I am not alone as you have mentioned in your song…
Thank you.
I will also pray for you^^
Comment by Jay — 7/13/2011 @ 9:05 am
Thank you so much for sharing your testimony on here. I was just about to listen to the song when i saw the story behind it and i couldn’t help but read it. It was so encouraging to here and to know that we’re not alone. I’m 20 years old and have off and on struggled with anorexia being the main issue. Slowly as people caught on to my lies I had to find another way to be what I wanted so then I had become bulemic.
I had some friends who were very concerned for me and they wanted me to get help so I am currently getting help for my eating disorder in a faith based discipleship program, called Teen Challenge. It’s an amazing program.
I grew up in a very large family of 16. I am the 13 child and I am a twin. Being in such a large family, there being 8 of each, I was compared to the other girls in the family. Now there are 10 biological, and 6 are adopted. I just happen to be one of the adopted and we were not treated very fairly compared to the others. My mom would make me raise up my shirt and she would take pictures of me and make me see how “gross, disgusting, fat, and ugly” I was. My mom would also say things like, “you will never have the body for a bikini” At the age of like 9-18 when i was kicked out. My whole life and the things that were said about me to me was why for me.
So again, I thank you for sharing your testimony! It has helped me a lot in not feeling alone and that God has designed me!
Love Shannon
Comment by Shannon — 7/17/2011 @ 12:21 pm
Mellisa, Thank you so much for sharing your testimony! I am 15 and I have been struggling with an eating disorder for about a year now and things have gotten out of control. I have always been the time of girl that’s just naturally skinny no matter how much I eat and I never have felt beautiful. It started with me skipping lunch at school everyday and using my lunch money on other things and all of a sudden one day during swim practice I almost passed out and so that was a wake up call and I started eating again but only for about a week. A few months later I was giving my boyfriend of the time a hug goodbye and I passed out in his arms. It scared me. I cried and cried and cried but I just couldnt change. It felt like an additction and couldnt get out of it. Now I cant help but eat because it’s summer and I get bored and I can’t use “Lunch money” on other things. Please pray that during the upcoming school year I can continue to get a grip on things.
I love the song Courage and I love your story! Thank you so much for sharing it, I know you have helped me. From now on I am going to wake up and say to myself “What am I gonna believe today? Lies or the truth? Am I going to be courageous? Am I going to choose real beauty or fake?”
Comment by Sydney — 8/8/2011 @ 9:39 pm
[...] Superchick » The Story Behind Our Song “Courage”. Like this:LikeBe the first to like this post. This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. ← Courage By Superchick (lyrics) – YouTube [...]
Pingback by Superchick » The Story Behind Our Song “Courage” | Non-Judging — 11/9/2011 @ 6:33 am
this was the first song i heard when my friend discovered my ed, she knew the sing and got me to listen to the song. the song is beautiful and the story amazing. You are an inspiration, thank you for the song but it sucks that you had to take the journey to write it.
Comment by Merri — 11/15/2011 @ 10:33 am
Melissa,
I listen to Superchic[k] (on YouTube) when I do homework. I don’t have the CDs cus I’m broke college student.
After I listen to all the normal songs. I wanted to click on one I’ve never heard before. I chose this one-not knowing the subject matter. Honestly if I had I would not have listened.
I’ve chosen the lie of anorexia for 8 years now. It’s started my freshman year of high school. I’m 22 and in college. Six months ago I started fighting this battle. And it’s hard. So thank you for a song that can explain an eating disorder to someone who doesn’t know. Thank you for a song that is honest about how hard the battle really is and the importance of accountability.
Comment by Alyssa — 2/16/2012 @ 10:42 pm
Thank you so much for sharing you story, I can relate to almost everything you said. Im sixteen and I have been struggling with anorexia amd self harm since i was ten. I went to a treatment center when I was 14. I was there for 18 months and I got better, I was in recovery. But right now I am in a relapse and it hasnt been easy. I listen to “courage ” everyday, and it helps me have hope that today will be easier and I
wont lie about eating. today was a good day. I really appreciate you sharing your struggles and recovery. It gives me hope.
Comment by Katelyn — 3/1/2012 @ 11:44 pm
I love the story. And i did feel fat for about a year ever since i meet this boy that i like but now that made me feel better
Comment by Dannie — 5/19/2012 @ 11:21 am
Melissa,
I just wanted to say thank you for the story and for the song. Lately I have been feeling ugly and not worth it, but this story has shown me that I am uniquely made and beautiful. This was so inspiring.
Thank you,
Dana <3 <3
Comment by Dana — 5/28/2012 @ 4:18 pm